Seeming Emptiness

A Poem as Lovely as aTree

2006-01-06T17:31:00.000+08:00

Gad, I can never stay at one blog, can I? Anyway. My oldish-new blog is located here at nekostupendous. My own persoanl blog - and by gad, I all the matters holy and sacred to me, I am staying put at two blogs!

Just two, and that's a promise!

Trees

I THINK that I shall never see
A poem lovely as a tree.

A tree whose hungry mouth is prest
Against the sweet earth's flowing breast;

A tree that looks at God all day,
And lifts her leafy arms to pray;

A tree that may in summer wear
A nest of robins in her hair;

Upon whose bosom snow has lain;
Who intimately lives with rain.

Poems are made by fools like me,
But only God can make a tree.

Underneath the Pale Moonlight

2006-01-01T20:02:00.000+08:00

The previous entry down there was actually started December 22, 2005, and was finished today, January 1, 2006. Stupid date, I couldn't get it fixed. Ah well. On with the show!

Shadows of the Undead cover the Way beyond
into the darkest of all Realms
A Guidance to the shining Temple of Thee,
oh mightiest and most lustful of all Queens
Gleaming Emeralds enlighten my Path
in these precious Halls of dark - sexual Beauty
The River of Tears is floating in Silence beneath
Her ("my") Throne now filled through my Despair as well
Whilst I kneel down

New Year's Resolution

2006-01-01T19:52:00.000+08:00

New day... New night... New year... Ah yes, the much awaited event of 2005 passed by like a thief in the night... I told myself, "what the heck! Its 2006 already???" I really wish I could still feel christmas the same way I use to feel it when I was just a child. Indeed christmas and new year's eve passed by like a normal saturday night, but one thing made my christmas special... I finally get to be with my mahal in baguio even though the trip sucked because the place sucked and there are a lot of stubborn kids running around the creepy house, screaming their lungs out. I know they're just kids... And no I don't have a bad childhood... I just hate the darn placed we stayed in... Anyway, even if the vacation trip sucked... I still enjoyed it because I'm with my mahal!

2006...

Thinking that 2005 has ended makes me feel that annoying feeling I always have when I'm still in grade school, "Wah! Vacation is over! Back to school again! T.T" Although I know I'm not going to any school... Or at least I know I'm not going to any boring class...

Anyway... I need to move on and act my age and finally be serious in finding a job! I will find a job even if it is in a call center (which is listed at the bottom of my job list)...

Well mahal called... that's it for today I guess...

I love you mahal! Muah!

Chinny Chin Chin!

2005-12-22T11:40:00.000+08:00

This morning, on my way to work in Libis, I sent a message to my mahal. The content goes like this:

Mahal, mataba na ba ako? (Mahal, am I fat?)

His reply: Okay lang, mataba rin naman ako. (It's okay, I'm also fat.)

I freaked out, I tell you. I mean, for the last 22 years in my life here on earth, I've never been told I'm fat or sentences pertaining to that. And here is my better half, saying I am just by reading between the lines! I'm reduced to a blubbering mass of goo, I tell you!

No wonder my clothes doesn't fit that well anymore. (Read: clothes that are baggy in places that matter) I keep noticing that my unmentionables are somewhat tight now in my upper bumper - which makes mahal happy, of course. Unfortunately, no matter how much encouragement I give, my lower bumper sadly remains the same. So I may not be as flat as a washboard in front, but I am in the back, which makes it hard to shop for better fitting clothes.

Ah well. In actuality, after much consideration (read: contemplation while washing the dishes over the holidays, heh), I realized I liked my figure now. I just need to shave off excess weight in my tummy-slash-waist area. I practically have no curves now - being my waist the same width as my bust. So, one of my two New Year's Resolution is to go run in the mornings before work or continue my badminton routine every Tuesdays and Thursdays, which I stopped in doing recently due to end of year deadlines. I never do New Year's Resolution stuff (last was when I was still in my earlier years of High School), but this two things are an exception, because these are things that really needs to be done.

Meaning, I need to start pulling my weight. Literally and figuratively.

Moving along, I had a great time in Baguio. It was just so sad that I had to go home - without my mahal at that. It was frickin' cold- it was December, after all. Whenever we went out (usually at parks and stuff - actually didn't care, mahal and I was waay to busy stuffing our mouths, heh) I had to wear almost three layers of clothes - with a bonnet, which mahal bought for me. What really irked me was I couldn't take a bath as much as I wanted to - not unless I want to turn into an ice sculpture inside the bathroom.

Speaking of bathrooms, I almost forgot. During our first morning there, it turned out there was a frickin' Peeping Tom while the ladies were taking their baths. Me included. Ah gad, let me tell you, I quietly freaked out! That was my first experience of being peeped upon, and it wasn't pretty. It was a good thing that it wasn't me that discovered the freak. Because if it was me, I would've screamed the house down, then proceeded to hunt that sorry freak to the ends of Earth and beat the hell out of him before handing him over to mahal.

As it is, it was Ate Beck who discovered him, screaming inside the bathroom before realizing nobody could hear and poking her head outside the bathroom and screaming to everyone that there was, indeed, a Peeping Tom.

Man oh man.

"No, no," said the little pig. "By the hair of my chinny chin chin, I will not let you come in."
"Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in," said the wolf.

So he huffed and he puffed and he huffed and he puffed. The house of straw fell down and the wolf ate up the first little pig.

Christmas Party Madness

2005-12-20T09:55:00.000+08:00

Well!

Haven't you noticed I usually start my entry with well? Hehe. Don't ask me why I do that, I actually have no idea why. Its probably (probably, I repeat,) due to the fact that I almost always never know what I'm going to write into the entry, never mind the fact that when I type in my uid and pwd into the login page, I have a vague topic bouncing around my brain unit. Take for example, for this entry:

Me: [typing the username and password] Hmn. Why don't I write about the endless parade of Christmas parties here in my office? That would be a good topic..

-a few seconds later-

Well!

Haven't you noticed I usually start my entry with well? Hehe...Do...

Me: [surprised] Where did that came from?!

See what I mean? Its the same way with my stories. I think about writing this and that, but end up writing about those instead. So in a way, writing an outline of my plot waaaay before actually sitting down and wiritng helps. A lot. And more often than not, sitting down and letting the words flow out of me instead of studying and criticizing every letter that comes out results in a masterpiece. Its only after I read it from top to bottom and polish it off that I realize that hey, it actually is a good piece!

Also, writing while listening to music, be it Gregorian chant or punk or emo or hard rock or whatever really helps sets the mood and tone of my piece. I remember intending to write a feel-good Sailormoon fan fiction while listening to Escaflowne: Girl in Gaiea soundtrack, but ended up with a morose, dark fiction full of death and misery. Gah. Talk about surprised when I started to read it.

Of course, that piece never made it online. I opted not to publish it on fiction press or even in fanfictiondotnet because, like I said, it ended up entirely too dark for my liking. Same goes for my other pieces that I never did finish, still rotting away in my home pc's hard drive.

Anyway. Again, against my will, I ended up reading her journal. Maybe it's the nosiness in me, I don't know. But I ended up feeling nothing at all, not even when she mention me. I guess everything's dead now, even with at least 3-4 years of friendship. Even if really don't understand why grasping the concept of "he's-yours-I-didn't-even-want-him-to-be-mine-in-the-first-place" is too alien for her. Or maybe she just wanted a scapegoat to blame for their spats. Or maybe she just wanted to romaticize the whole damn thing and needed a antagonist to finish their so-called love story.

All this thinking about that is seriously making my head ache.

Moving on (I just wanted to get that off my chest), last night I attended Sun Cellular's Department party at Jade Palace, located at Ortigas. Sadly enough, I didn't get any prizes - what can I say, a Jacinto has chronic un-luckiness when it comes to raffles and what-not. Although I was, weirdly enough, entered in the Ms. NetOps category (I hesitate calling it a pageant - it implies that idea that I'm actually that beautiful enough to enter in a pageant) and ended up being one of the finalists. Why I ended up being one is beyond me. Of course, I didn't win. Tough luck, I could've used that Php 1,000.00 gift certificate.

Before that, there was a company party at Crowne Plaza (right behind Robinsons Galleria at Ortigas) last Friday, December 16, 2005. I didn't attend, the social animal that I am. Poor Joy though, she could've won that washing machine had Ms. Girlie realized that the person she was talking to (Ms. Joy herself) was the winner. Well, maybe next time, as they always say. And before that was the Ericsson-Sun Cellular Christmas Party, held at the Tavern at the Square in Greenbelt 3. Needless to say, I didn't attend. I was too busy here at Libis, hard at work and swimming with the papers.

And tomorrow, there's the office party (just us girls) at Ms. Ruby's house in San Juan. Wow. I ca hardly call myself anti-social anymore, because next week, for the days 26-28, I would be at Baguio, for my mahal's annual family trip.

Damn, that's one killer party sched.

A Side note:If you would notice, my opening and middle lines have nothing to do with the topic near the end. This gives proof that I'm actually scatterbrained and although I look like I'm thinking deep, I'm actually just thinking shit sometimes. Heh.

Tears on the Palms of My Hand

2005-12-06T16:15:00.000+08:00

Well, I went ahead and got a new layout for the blog -- which didn't take much of a searching. I know I'm supposed to be putting up my own layout - and yes, it's all finished already, but I'm unable to code it properly for Blogger since I'm just waaay too busy nowadays. As it is, I'm just sneaking time in between deadlines (I have three! Holy Mother of God!) and really not taking the time to think about what I'm writing.

Even my drawings and literature are put on hold. (Which means my so-called social life is put on hold too, heh.)

But I'm pretty much happy with the way my life is running now, even with all the stress and what-nots. Which simply means I'm happy with my job, and I'm delighted with my life. :)

Stress and problems included.

Guilty Gear

2005-12-05T18:12:00.000+08:00

Which Guilty Gear X character are you?

Just browsing through blogs on my last 30 minutes on work and saw this on Jac's blog. Reminded me of my mahal's favorite game, so I went ahead and took it. Weirdly enough, I was expecting Jam Kurodoberi, but Venom popped out instead, someone I've never even used to play GGX before.

That's what pops up whenever I answer honestly! :)

Under the SUN 2

2005-07-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

Tom is teh day my mahal finally goes to work (again)... Its her first day at SUN cellular... I just hope she'll be fine tom... I'm still thinking if I should apply in SUN too... I should... But then again my mom told me not to stay in the same company where my mahal is working because what if something bad happen to the company... We'll be both out of job... But still I'll try...

After this I'll apply at JOBSTREET... Hope that I'll find a job there...

This is it for now...

Goodluck my mahal! Take care! Goodspeed! I love you!!! MUAH

Under the SUN

2005-07-30T09:40:00.000+08:00

Everything is under the sun... Even my mahal... T_T I hope she'll be fine... Oh I miss her so much... I hate it when this happens to me... Me being in my home and safe and can't do anything to help her while she travels towards makati and greenhills... Although I'm thankful because those two places are kinda safer than in any other place like manila or quiapo... But still I can't stand the idea of her being alone out there... Under the sun... I'm praying to God for her safety... I know she'll be safe and she'll be fine but it would have been better if I'm with her now... I wish I have a job so that they wouldn't mind me going with here because I'll be using my own money (tawagan nyo na ako PASI).

Stay safe my mahal! Goodspeed! Take care!

Always here... Loving you with all my heart! I love you mahal! MUAH!!!

Took it Off

2005-07-21T12:57:00.000+08:00

Well! My birthday has come and gone. Pretty surprising day, because my family celebrated it. Lolz. And also because my In-laws celebrated it too.. It was so sweet of them, sobra.

Unfortunately, when I went to bed, I was feeling suspisciously like a blimp, heh. Too much food intake. XD We still have ice cream and cake left-overs! Whee! And the ice cream flavor is my favorite.. Double dutch and Coffee crumble. Well, Coffee Crumble isn't exactly my favortie ice cream flavor, its actually one of my favorite cake flavor. But what the hey, right? XD

Anyway, yesterday I finally signed the contract for Sun Cellular. So in August 1, I'll be a normal office girl, working normal office hours. Sa wakas! And finally my mahal can stop worrying about me going to work during insane hours. ^^

Ne mahal, didn't know about that chris episode. Really? I mean, it wasn't Chris' room we went to. It was actually their workout room, heh. And it was stifling there! No wonder he doesn't like working out, lolz. Besides, I was more insterested in their bookshelf... Books! all kinds of books! Hehehe.

Speaking of books, I haven't returned them yet.. /gg

'Newei, I took back the layout because I was having problems with it.. And also because I'm planning a layout of my own ulit. Of my own making! whee! Actually, it's been stuck in my hard drive for a year now.. I'm just to lazy to code it and tweak it to blogger standards.

What can I say, dakilang tamad.Heh.

Awabshuuuuu mahal. :)

Happy birthday to MU???

2005-07-17T20:39:00.000+08:00

OH MY... Its been a while since I've blogged...

Darn you MU online! I Got addicted to it... Anyway, mahal's birthday is coming soon... I just hope her mother wont do anything stupid to tell her she can't go out... I wanted to be with her in her birthday this time... Since we've never celebrated her birthday (except when she we're mine yet) together... Yeah I remember that day when mahal celebrated her birthday at Chris' house and we bought two boxes of dexter's pizza... Well I can still remember her going to Chris' room... yeah... you can see the anger in "his" eyes (him...) he's very annoyed because mahal is going in and out Chris' house as if they are "that" close (in a relationship). I remember "he" keep on sourgraping... As for me... Well like I said... During that time, I think of her only as a friend and I know that there is no way that we could be "us"...

LoLzzzz Anyway... I got to call my beloved one! HAH! Sorry loser boy, sorry frat boy, sorry other boys! She's MINE! MINE ALONE! HAHAHAHAHA! *Ehem*

I love you mahal! MUAH! Advanced 22nd bDay MUAH!

All hail!

2005-07-03T13:32:00.000+08:00

Dang, I'm so good I could bow to myself! Hehe. Finally, I got a hold of my stupid brain unit and forced it to work. As you could see, I've finally gotten hold of the code that lists without the freaking annoying bullets. Tagal bago ko nakuha, LIST code lang pala. Stupid brain unit talaga.

Ah well. Koi is very much into MU - I'n kinda wishing I'm playing too, or at the very least playing some MMORPG like Fairyland or Rose Online. Anything but Tantra, of course. Biased! Hehehe. I can't play PSOne, its out of commission - the powercord's busted again. Well, not really so much that it can't be used, my younger bro says if you put it in a particular position, energy'll come surging back, but then again, I don't have the patience to make it work. As usual. XD

Maybe later, I'll have a go to it, but right now I'm still gloating over the fact that I've finally had this blog layout to get working. Whee!

Whew!

2005-07-02T15:16:00.000+08:00

Whew! Great going! I finally got the layout to work. I tweaked it two days ago, and theoretically it should work, but then again, theory is just that. Theory. I've got to see for myself if the layout will work, and it did! *dances*

Unfortunately tho, there's still some coding to be done - the Recent posts and Archive section is still messed up, as you can see. I'd have to find a way to line them up without those stupid bullets, ehehe. I'll get 'em fixed as soon as I get my stupid brain unit working. :D

Feel my Palpitating Pawaa!

2005-06-12T20:49:00.000+08:00

Dang! It seems as though I still have that ROTS (translation: Revenge of the Sith)hangover, even if I didn't like the movie that much. I mean, the SFX was great, and the fighting absolutely awesome (Now I sound like a surfaa dude,) but the dialogue literally killed me. It definitely killed Anakin. I mean, if your wife calls you Annie, wouldn't you like to die?

Yes, that's just me being bloodthristy again. It runs in the blood. (My mom calls whacking rats a sport; now you know where I get it from O.o)Anyway, moving on, I got the job at Sun! Whee! Yeba! I can finally get off my call center job and at least have one area in my life normal, heh. Even if the pay is lower than what I have right now, I wouldn't trade it for the world - Php 16,000++ is not enough for the stress and the insane hours I have right now. Its not enough to pay for my deteriorating health - I now have breathing problems, and I suspect I might have a touch of ulcer. Gee, as if ulcer can be comparable with a touch of fever, heh.

Moving on (again), kulit and I have recently watched a fairly new animation/cartoon called Avatar:The Last Airbender. I think its freaking cool! Kawaii desu! Kakkoi! -slaps self- I've been researching about it - you know me, I just can't resist knowing spoilers - and found out it has been showing at Nickelodeon America since February. Life just isn't fair!

Sigh. I've got to get going already - its time for my beauty sleep. :3 I love you my Kulit!

Star Wers

2005-05-26T11:27:00.000+08:00

Star Wars Horoscope for Cancer

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

Star Wars Horoscope for Aries

Like many aries, you have demonstrated your penchant for inflicting pain.
You feel you are at the center of the universe and that you must be in control.
You enjoy being a leader... and you find that your aggression and quick temper serve you well.

Star wars character you are most like: The Emperor

What is Your Star Wars Horoscope?

My Green Notebook

2005-05-17T08:51:00.000+08:00

Mahal went ahead and read my green diary.. I gave it to him around two days ago so he'd know what I was like before we met. Lolz. I've completely forgotten about that Keanu Reeves with eyes of Squall guy.. That day I was feeling particularly kikay so I went ahead and put that in (I mean, compared to my cousin's entries, mine felt like it was written by a boy! O.0), unfortunately for me, that boy had no iota of brain cells so my "so called crush" to him died a quick death. XD

I just got commended today - the customer told me I spoke English so well that he didn't know that I was Filipino! My ghulayz! He thought I was an American, which is saying a lot.. Tee hee. It made my already special day extra special! Yeba!

I love you bebi!

Mahal's Green notebook

2005-05-16T00:44:00.000+08:00

Waw... I just finished reading it...

And here mahal said I won't read it...

Well lets just say I do hate to read novels and stuff. But I never said I hate reading... I like reading especially if it is based in real life... And so I finished reading the green notebook (well I've skipped rai's notes).

I'm so... In pain right now... Even though I already knew what happen to you in the past mahal... But able to read your "notes" personally adds up to the pain I'm feeling everytime I remember how your parents (family) treat you...

And by the way... I would like to know who is this "BISH" guy who looks like Keanu Reeves born with Squall's eyes??? And here you said you "NEVER" had a crush on someone... How is it that you said you want to "MELT?" Well even though this is not a big thing and it honestly doesn't affect me, I still want to know who this guy is...

Anyway... I realize right now that I really am a very jealous guy... Even though I know I have your heart and you have mine... I still can't help myself but be jealous of this "BISH" guy... (But if you're talking about Jes or Glenn D.... BWAHAHAHAAHAHA)

Haay... I missed you more mahal... I hope you let me read this notebook 2days ago so that yesterday I would have hugged you to death! I want to hug you right now... I really miss you my baby!

Sleep well... Rest well... Sweet dreams my love! I LOVE YOU!!! MUAH!

WOOHOO!

2005-05-11T18:21:00.000+08:00

OMG! It's been a while since I've blogged! I just found out that my modem was busted! Its a good thing I bought two modems so I have a back-up modem! I think the other modem got busted when the lightning struck our roof! YEAH... ROOF!!! I don't really know where the lightning struck but one thing is for sure! I saw it with my own eyes! Anyway, I think that is all I have to say... I just worry for my baby... She's having this back problems and difficulty in breathing... I think it's her asthma... I just hope she get well soon!

I LOVE YOU MY BABY!!! MUAH!!!

Small World

2005-05-06T05:26:00.000+08:00

Just found out that one of my old friends is training here at Convergys. Really small world. but I wonder, will she be here in my account? Gad.

Tech Hell

2005-05-03T05:20:00.000+08:00

Whatta great way for my day to open. Tech Hell! Lolz. Anyway, moving on, I have great news! I'm going to resign from my job and go back to school to finish my degree. My older sister texted me last night, asking me if I want to go back to Mapua, and I replied in affirmative.

Finally~! God really loves me! I love you mahal! muah!

Home is where your @ is

2005-04-28T07:22:00.000+08:00

Well well well. Two posts in one day. I guess I'm just majorly stressed out. With my life, with my job, with everything.. Well, with the exception of my better half. =) I know he won't be able to check this post because it would seem his ISP had just went ka-put or out of business. Which, might I add, is bad news because his mom has already deposited three months worth of unlimited internet access. Tsk tsk.

Sigh. Well, back to work...

Personality Test

2005-04-28T06:58:00.000+08:00

I am so stressed out that when I saw this test, I took it immediately! Hehe.

Advanced Global Personality Test Results

Extraversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Empathy	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	83%
Interdependence	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Intellectual	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Mystical	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Artistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Religious	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Hedonism	\|\|	10%
Materialism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Narcissism	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Adventurousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|	23%
Work ethic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Self absorbed	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	36%
Conflict seeking	\|\|	10%
Need to dominate	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

Romantic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Anti-authority	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%
Wealth	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Dependency	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Change averse	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	90%
Cautiousness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Individuality	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	56%
Sexuality	\|\|	10%
Peter pan complex	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Physical security	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Food indulgent	\|\|	10%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|	16%
Paranoia	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	76%
Vanity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%
Hypersensitivity	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	63%
Female cliche	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	43%

Take Free Advanced Global Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Poetry for the Soul

2005-04-27T04:19:00.000+08:00

How do I love Thee?
Elizabeth Barett Browning

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.
I love thee to the depth and breadth and height
My soul can reach, when feeling out of sight
For the ends of Being and ideal Grace.
I love thee to the level of every day's
Most quiet need, by sun and candlelight.
I love thee freely, as men strive for Right;
I love thee purely, as they turn from Praise.
I love thee with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood's faith.
I love thee with a love I seemed to lose
With my lost saints, -- I love thee with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! -- and, if God choose,
I shall but love thee better after death.

Holy Sonnet 10
John Donne

Death, be not proud, though some have callèd thee
Mighty and dreadful, for thou art not so;
For those whom thou think'st thou dost overthrow
Die not, poor death, nor yet canst thou kill me.
From rest and sleep, which yet thy pictures be,
Much pleasure, then from thee much more, must low
And soonest our best men with thee do go,
Rest of their bones and soul's delivery.
Thou art slave to fate, chance, kings and desperate men
And dost with poison, war and sickness dwell,
And poppy or charms can make us sleep as well
And better than thy stroke; why swell'st thou then ?
One short sleep past, we wake eternally,
And death shall be no more; death, thou shalt die.

Testing pictures

2005-04-11T07:20:00.000+08:00

Just testing uploading images. Hehe.

Agony and Despair

2005-03-28T23:18:00.000+08:00

One year... We've only been lovers for just a year now... I told her once that she should be ready of the time that we wont be so mushy and that we wont be missing each other that much... I really dont know whether to wish for that day to come or not... If that day comes. There will only be two possible reasons... The first thing is that we have jobs and we are very focused on what we're doing... The other and the bad reason is that we're starting to feel less about each other... And I don't want that...

I've been thinking... AGAIN? yes... I've been thinking this past few nights... Since its sem break for me... I have all day to think of her... I told her that she shouldn't be thinking of me so much when we're not together... She said she'll try it... But I realized that it is a bad thing to give advices that you can't follow especially if it applies to you too! I really can't find a way to tell myself not to think of her... I can't help myself but worry and miss her... Right now... I can't sleep and its already past 11pm... I must sleep early because i need to get up early play tennis with my dad and sister... I cant because I miss her SOOOOOO MUCH!!!! I want to hate myself for feeling this way but I can't do anything about it!!! (wow i'm looping sentences...)

Anyways... I just miss you mahal! I really do!

The reason why I told you those "bad" things earlier (about being unfaithful) is because I really mean it...
Its a good thing I know that would never happen! (Whew) Hee hee!

Goodluck in your work. Be strong! Stay healthy! Godspeed! I love you!!!

I LOVE YOU!

Excerpts from the Snakbuk for the Soul

2005-03-24T05:18:00.000+08:00

24 things, quirks, habits, and what-nots that I love about my Bebi.

The way her quirks & wrinkles his nose, when its itchy or when he wants to balance his glasses without using his nose. Cute eh!
The way he fidgets when I look too long at him and say 'What?" when I don't say anything.
Our long conversations on the phone without really talking much about anything (talking about nothing! hehe), just listening to each other breathe and feeling each other presence.
The way he looks really young whenever he wears t-shirt and his patented, tried & tested carpenter denim shorts.
Whenever he gets all teary-eyed & silent when we watched Saishu Heiki Kanojo at his house. (Kaya pla sa likod ko umupo! joke bebi... Ü )
Whenever he tries to resist wrinkling his nose when I touch it but ends up doing it anyway.
The way he stands still when I fuss with his hair.
The way he calls me 'Mahal' or 'Love' even in public; even in front of many people.
The way he twines his hand with mine when we hold hands.
Whenever he gets angry because I don't take care of myself (ikaw rin naman bebi eh!)
His teasing me whenever he sees me sad or depressed.
The way he looks good in black and white. (you really do, mahal..)
trying really hard and oft times succeeding in stopping my worrying over matters and things that I have no control of.
For taking care of me even if I'm very much the I-can-do-it-by-myself person.
Hugging me close as if he can't get close enough to me.
The way his lips look even more feminine than mine.
The way he won't let me insult or slander myself.
Giving me as many hugs and kisses that I need.
For letting me be myself, which is very important to me.
The way he tenderly touches my face, proclaiming me beautiful when I'm really not, most especially during my I-feel-ugly days.
For letting me act like a kid and not getting turned off my it.
Letting me ask questions that on others, will make them feel really uncomfortable and awkward.
For laughing and snickering with me over the stupidest of things (funga fufu!).
The most important of all - For loving me.

Worries and Anger

2005-03-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

I HATE MYSELF! I really hate myself for being so rude to my baby... I made her cry again... I never wanted that to happen but she made me do it again! I got mad at her coz she never let me know where she is... It was past 6 and its already dark so I was very worried!!! I want to hug her... I really want to cuddle her... But since I got sooooo worried coz of what she did...
But what heck is wrong with me??? Why am I so angry at her for just doing such a small thing? Its just that I can never forgive myself if something bad happen to her... I cannot live without her!!!

Sleep well my love! Goodnight! Sweetdreams!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!

After Call Work

2005-03-17T12:50:00.000+08:00

Well.. like my mahal said, I haven't written here in a loong while. Been busy at work, I guess. Absent ak osa work for two days.. I got sick. Lolz. Sobrang buried sa work hehe. Anyway.. Am doing this after work.. Just finished team meeting and stuff.

Miss ko na mahal ko! I miss him so darn much... I love you bebi!

Convergys

2005-03-15T23:41:00.000+08:00

Haay... It's been almost a month since my last blog... My mahal can't blog cuz she's been very busy with her work at convergys... I've been busy coz of my last two subjects...

I don't have anything in mind right now...

I love you mahal! I hope you can write here again since you're the one who insists on doing this "blog"
I LOVE YOU!!!

One year!

2005-02-21T23:04:00.000+08:00

Happy anniversary mahal!!!

Yey! At last we've endured many problems together, faced any challenge effortless together... We've conquered any obstacle that blocked our path together! I'm soooooo happy that my confession to you resulted positively! Its official baby! We're now officially one year as lovers! I never would have thought I'd be this happy with my very first anniversary (since my first GF never lasted for a week. XD) I know we'll last more than 50 years! We'll be celebrating platinum anniversary in the future!

I love you mahal!!!
MUAH!!!

Tormented

2005-02-19T23:26:00.000+08:00

I am being tormented by my current situation...
I have a very lovely girlfriend...
I love her so... And she loves me too...
But our fate is to be separated from each other for the moment...
I really can't wait to be with her...
And spend the rest of my life holding her...
Smelling her...
Hugging her...
Cuddling her...
Loving her...

Everyday we'll wake up and the first thing that we'll see is each other's faces...

I love you mahal!!! I can't take this anymore... I want to be with you!
Sweet dreams! Remember that I will always love you!!!

Hopes and Dreams

2005-02-17T20:52:00.000+08:00

We all have our goals and dreams when we're still young. Well actually since its human nature to be unsatisfied with what we have, we will never stop hoping to get something we don't have... This is not a bad thing unless you want something that is already owned by someone else. I used to think what will happen to me in the future... What do I do if I don't get a job soon... I'm turning 25 this april and I still don't have a job (since I'm still studying). I'm kinda scared... Since other companies only accept fresh graduates with a 4-year degree and is 18-27 years old... What if nobody accepts me because I'm old... Well, as usual... These things are just minor problems. Because the hardest part of our life is to find someone who will stay by your side and grow old with you. Gah! Its a good thing I don't have to worry about this major problem because I know I already have someone who will stay with me until I die! And hopefully for eternity in the after life. For this, I am very proud and also because of this, I'm not scared anymore. I know I'll find a good job and I know I can make my own family! All that matters to me is to spend my life with you mahal! I love you and I know that you love me too!!!

Take care always! Godspeed!
I love you mahal!!!

Lost

2005-02-17T00:04:00.000+08:00

Lost without wings
Lost without Dreams
I can't fly
I can't sing.
Shattered soul
Shattered heart
Darkness beckons
like twilight.

That is how I would feel without my Kulit. Crappy impromtu poem, but...

I love you, my Kulit.

2005

2005-02-02T01:13:00.000+08:00

The beginning of the year wasn't very pleasant for me and mahal... We had a lot of fights because I'm very paranoid... Since she started working... All I can think about is how she is or what ever is she doing or where she is or if her new friends are nice people... All I can do is pray and hope (or be paraniod)... I've been very bad coz I made my mahal cry... Not once, not twice, but more than three times... I realized the reason why... I missed her so... Right now I can't sleep because I can't stop thinking of her. Wondering what she's doing right now... I'm afraid that I'd lose her... I know she will never leave me and she knows I will never leave her but the paranoia is so strong... I must do something about this... I must move on because she's fine and she's doing well in her new job. I just hope that she enjoys her job and be always safe...

I miss you mahal! I love you!

TIME

2005-01-16T20:28:00.000+08:00

I'm really not the type of person who loves to read and write. Indeed I have plenty of time for blogging. But i've spent 22 years of my life as a person who doesn't like to read or write... What I really love is to draw... Yet. I don't have the inspiration to draw. People-in-love always say that their inspiration is the one they love. Of course my inspiration is mahal... But my inspiration for drawing is gone... Actually I really don't remember what my inspiration for drawing is... But those things aren't important. What I really care about right now is if mahal would be safe when she start to work... Her schedule is what they call "Graveyard Shift" bleah... I just hope she has the strength and courage to handle her job. As for me... I'm still studying. Next term will officially be my 22nd year in school! DARN IT! I should be working in my age. But it doesnt bother me since I have the one thing that is important to me... My mahal. Ü I LOVE YOU MAHAL KO! MUAH!

Work-slash-Lunch at Convergys

2005-01-05T21:54:00.000+08:00

Gad. My starting date is looming over me!

Well, my work actually starts January 17, so its not officially looming yet. Its still at the horizon of my calendar, two weeks from now. But gaaah! I'm freaking out. I really hope I do well. Convergys is one of the best call centers out there that pays well and takes care of its employees.. I can't afford to lose this job because I'm going to take care of my family for now. Paying the bills, putting food on the table and the like.

And tomorrow's my med exam. I'm actually feeling nervous about it, because I'v never undertaken any exams of the medical type in my whole course of stay here on Earth.. What if they poke wierd things down my throat? Waah!

Ah well. That's life for ya. Icky. I love you my mahal!

New Year's Eve

2004-12-31T22:43:00.000+08:00

Well, this is a first. I'm actually posting jsut a few hours before the New Year comes waddling around like the fat chubby baby he is. Heh. Why is that so, you ask? Well, New Year's celebration this year (I know its kinda redundant, but I'm just human. So sue me. =P) is in a way dead. Don't ask me why, it just is.

I can't help but compare it to last year's celebration. Even though I was sooo busy then, cooking here, making patties to fry there, or taking care of the drinks (for some unknown reason, I'm very good at mixing drinks, just not the alcoholic kind - haven't tried doing those stuff yet. I'm still young and naive, heh.), it was fun, because for the first time in my life I was actually part of the, uhm, "comittee" that takes care of stuff while the kids prance and skedaddle around with their multi-colored firecrackers.

This year, I'm still part of it, but not so busy as before. I mean, I only cooked and exercised my dominion over the kitchen like once or twice this day. And, miracle of miracles, my parents are already asleep, eventhough outside, firecrackers are making a great racket, enough to raise the dead.

But noo, not my parents. =P

I'm the only Nery under the age of 22 (the ultimate Nery cutoff for honest-to-goodness child fun) who is inside the house now, and typing like there is no tomorrow in my pc. Its kinda disconcerting to realize it holds no fun nor reverence for me now. Right now, if somebody asks me what I feel about New Year, and scold me for not going out and celebrating it, my retort will probably be "So what? It's just another new year. Tomorrow will just be like any other day."

Shades of cynism, but hey, after what happened this year, you really cannot blame me. The only good thing that happened to me, the only shining moment I treasure up until this time (and until I perish from this Earth) was the night when Kulit professed that he loved me. After botching it the first time and nearly breaking my heart in the process, heh. =)

I love you my Kulit! Happy New Year!

Blog

2004-12-30T17:13:00.000+08:00

I have nothing in my mind right now... For the past few days after christmas I've been thinking of what to do when the enrollment arrives. I'm kinda feeling not good right now thinking about that day (enrollment). Sorry baby... Probably I'll try to write again later...

But still there is one thing I know...

I love you baby! Muah!

Happy Hanukkah

2004-12-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

Hmn. Is the spelling right? Hehe. I was at loss on what title to put in - and for some insane reason, that popped into my mind. Don't ask how I got it, even I don't know the answer to that. Heh. Anyway, before all that -

Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Even though our country's Christmas isn't as bountiful as our last ones (think Christmases of the years 1990-1997, where I remember, it was one of our country's more bountiful years), even though we weren't able to spend it as bonggacious (for want of a better word - for some odd reason my brain's fried) as we want it to be, we must all remember that celebrating Christmas isn't all about having expensive presents or delicious food. Its all about celebrating the day that our Messiah was born.

*grins sheepishly* I wasn't able to blog exactly December 25, because I was too busy preparing food for my family and for those who were about to visit my dad. Which really wasn't much - it was just Tita Beth from Bulacan, with her daughter Eden who is my mom's inaanak. But still, I was the cook that day, so I wasn't able to blog, nor even touch the pc.

Anyway, I stumbled upon a site which lets you choose 3 from the 22 cards of tarots laid in front of you (or to bemore precise, upon the screen of your pc) and lets you know what they meant. What I got first was The Chariot, The Lovers, and lastly, The World.

The Chariot:
Positive: The Chariot card represents the need to take control of ones actions to rise above the conflicts in ones life. The Chariot alerts us of the need to draw energy not only from our material resources but from within as well. The Chariot reminds us that we must have balanced energy in order to reap the rewards of all that life has given us. The Chariot represents a dualistic nature and that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. Focus and awareness is necessary in order to make the most out of the situation. Most importantly, the Chariot represents the need to hold on tightly to the reigns because should we let go we will face the likelihood of going way off course. Ultimately, if we don’t hold tight and steer our way through, our life can get way out of control.

Negative: When reversed this card represents a lack of drive and focus or letting others manipulate us to their own ends. It can also mean arrogance or foolhardy behavior. A lack of control and imbalanced thought.

The Lovers
Positive:The Lovers card represents having to make a choice in the realm of relationships, a choice which will have a lasting impact on the relationship at hand. This may come as a proposal of marriage or simply the choice to continue or dissolve a relationship. The Lovers brings a reminder that should one not take control of their choices, one will be forced upon them by the wheel of destiny. The Lovers also represents sacrifice and that which is given up when a decision is finally made. Should one choose marriage and commitment, the freedom and playfulness of a single lifestyle is to be given up. Should one remain a bachelor then the security of a married lifestyle may have to be let go. Overall, what the Lovers card represents is that a choice is at hand and one that must be made with much care and consideration for there are always sacrifices to every decision.

Negative: When reversed this card represents thoughtlessness in handling ones relationships with others and a lack of care when making crucial decisions regarding loved ones. Being indecisive and leaving your freedom of choice up to chance.

The World
Postive: The World card is the last of the major arcana and likewise brings a close to the paths previously chosen. It represents the completion of a cycle and acknowledgement of the wisdom gained from our total experience. The World represents the celebration of a long and insightful life, one full of love and despair. The experiences of the physical are now entwined in the spirit of both God and Goddess and of ourselves. It also represents the wonder and beauty of seeing who we truly are and how important our spirit really is in the larger scheme of things. True self-awareness and love of Life and the self. Peace, Perfection, Love, Honor, and Grace. Everything that we have strived to accomplish now comes to being. One with the self and with Life.

Negative: In a reversed position this card represents incompletion, stagnation, the refusal to move forward from one phase of understanding to another. Fear, depression, or low self-worth.

Well, there's no harm taking it, right? =) I love you, mahal!

Quizzes

2004-12-23T21:00:00.000+08:00

Well... I was kinda bored, so I took some quizzes to amuse myself. Hehe. Unfortunately I got addicted.. so I took more and more quizzes! XD

Chamomile Tea...

You are Chamomile Tea.

Your an original! Helpful to anyone in need and always willing to lend a hand, you take action but not through violence, people listen to you for you have a knack for giving wonderful advice! Many look up to you and you try your best not to let them down. You have many friends steadfast or no who consider themselves lucky to be near you. You may have been hurt in the past but you dont let that stand in your way! You have a wonderful outlook on life and try to see the good in people which is an awesome gift!

What type of Tea are you? {-With Anime Pictures!-}
brought to you by Quizilla

You are a Sprite of the Earth.

Reserved, quiet, wise and free spirited You are a sprite of the Earth: You have a deep connection with the earth and all its creatures, preferring plants and animals to people you are quiet and reserved. You understand things on a different level and can often see straight through to a persons true intentions. You are mysterious to everyone even those in your family, they may live with you but that doesn't mean they 'know' the real you. Being inside the house for long periods of time can be torture, you crave the outdoors and love simply escaping up a tree or into the forest where you can be free. Although you may be smart you are easy to judge a person because you fear what they 'may' be going to do. You are wise in things that most overlook and you are very creative in many aspects like art, music, etc... Although try as they may to seek you, you are a free spirit. Just let them try to catch and put you in a cage.

.::=What type of Mythical Sprite are you?=::. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

What I got reminded me of Sylfaen, my character in Aeith 2, heh. =)

Your element is Rain: Sad, lonely, distant and unique. You are quite distant from emotion and people, but you have been made this way by one thing or another. You are truly unique yet fail to see it, and are quite creative be it in art, music, writing, ect.. You used to let people in now you don't even bother to try having been hurt so many times in the past. Your attitude is that you don't need anyone but yourself, people are just trouble waiting to happen. But you really do want to trust someone no matter if you see it or not, deep down your waiting for someone to come and set you free. This kind of depression can turn dangerous, don't let them get to you. Not everyone in the world will hurt you, humans are humans and are not perfect. So most likely sooner or later you'll meet someone who feels like you do and perhaps your shell will eventually disappear.

.:-What is your true element?-:. -With Anime Pictures and detailed answers-
brought to you by Quizilla

Hmn. Kulit would say it would be just about right. =)

Blue like the sky...

~* What Anime Eyecolor would you have? *~
brought to you by Quizilla

Green Hair! Famous Green Heads: Setsuna from Sailor
Moon & Lyserg from Shaman King!

~* What Anime Haircolor would you have? *~
brought to you by Quizilla

Eh, Blue eyes and Green Hair?! Hmn. Not bad. =)

Lunch at My Kulit's

2004-12-22T13:57:00.000+08:00

I HAVE A JOB AT CONVERGY'S! BWAHAHAHA!

Just finished my final interview earlier this day, around 1030H. The interviewer was really nice & friendly, putting me at ease immediately and enabling me to speak my mind and NOT stuttering even once. Hallelujah! Anyway, I'm writing this at my hubby's home (hence the title) and am going home later becuase I need to change clothes for my job orientation later at eight. =)

I love you, my Kulit. You're my lucky charm.

Lunch at Convergys

2004-12-20T23:04:00.000+08:00

Well. It's been an interesting day.

While sitting at the back of the car today (I was accompanying my uncle to fetch my older sister from Makati), my cellphone rang, an unknown number flashing on it's screen. At first, I didn't want to answer it because it wasn't my habit to answer unknown callers, but since I was feeling adventurous that day, I decided to answer.

The caller was Patty, and she was from Convergys.

Bwah! She conducted a phone interview right there and then, asking about my educational background and such. God! The background noise was soo distracting, but I managed to get by on the interview. She ended the conversation around 5 minutes later, saying that's she'll get in touch. Right around 3 minutes later, she did get in touch, calling me and saying that I am scheduled for an exam tomorrow, at exactly 11 am.

OMFG!

Oh well. I'm going to be luck tomorrow, I'm sure of it! Tomorrow is Kulit and mine's 10th monthsary, after all. Ten months and we're still going strong! Ngar ngars! =)

I love you, my Kulit.

Subic

2004-12-19T23:31:00.000+08:00

Yesterday me and mahal went on to an adventure again. Well not exactly adventure but you can say it is an adventure because she went with me to zambales and she told her mom that she'll just go to subic for a school outing. All well that's what strict parents deserve... Mahal was old enough to be on an outing with me legally but her parents, as usual, very selfish...
Ah well I know one thing...

I LOVE YOU MAHAL!!! And I'm sorry if I am very selfish with you... But then again... YOU'RE MINE!
I LOVE YOU! MUAH!!!

Riot Aeith Campaign: The End

2004-12-12T14:53:00.000+08:00

Yesterday (well technically, last night), at the roof deck of his aunt's house in Antipolo, Kulit ended the long running Aeith Riot Campaign: Etheria Episodes in Aeith, his RPG. We've been going at it since two terms ago, and Riot Finnigan was officially born a year ago. She's been born an Origin Human, been called 'Motherboard' & was the leader of a hacking group, became a mercenary & was invited to become a HERO member but became a Gallah Master instead, was the owner (and still is!) of Crimson and Alabaster, her two black/red white/black Light Staff, became the Admiral of the ship Melyanna, which was bet on a tournament on Olina planet, had frequent blackouts of memory (willsave failed hehe) and in the end, the Rockwell virus turned Ragnos virus turned Riot virus manifested in her body and her mechanical side took over, literally turning Riot into a human robot.

Bwah. And it doesn't end there, I tell ya! :)

After literally uhm, sucking (for want of a better word) the life out of the planet and its inhabitants, Riot became THE planet itself, and came to her senses only after almost killing her most beloved father, Ragnos. After that shock, Riot slept for 2,000 years in the quietness of space, wherein the DNAs, skills and capabilities of the people she has drained the life from burned inside her, making Riot the most powerful being in the mortal plane. Or so that was what Kulit claimed as he was telling me what happened. :)

After 2,000 years Riot was found by one of her friends' descendants, and was declared an Ancient, being the only Origin Human left. When she woke up, she had no memory of what she was, and lived on one of the human colonies left. The mortals' numbers were dwindling during that time, for the Celestials who won the first Celestial War was wiping out the mortals in order for them to reset the entire plane. As time flew by, Sylfaen, Raeoga's daughter who had been captured by the enemy Celestial King, found her and restored her memories. Riot became the medium for the enemy king's reign to end, because of she having drained a vital character: Maljor, Raeoga's last son. His soul was resting inside her body. Using Raeoga's body, they transfered Maljor's soul into it, and with their combined forces, was able to defeat the king.

But Riot's story didn't end there.

Her soul was taken from her original body, and was reborn into an Olinan, daughter to the owner of the most successful technology company. Again, Riot had no memories of what she was before, only dreams and left over memories that seemed too unreal to be true. When she was young, she pestered her father to take her to a planet, and came back to Earth II carrying what Old Riot considered as her best friends: Alabaster and Crimson.

Here, in her 3rd life, Riot was an ordinary student, flanked by her two best friends ever since she was little. Maljor and Serin. Maljor, as stated above, was in reality Raeoga's yougnest son, and Serin, Kor's and Nyssa's oldest son. Both, like Riot, has been reborn into Olina humans. Many events happened. Riot, tracing her former path in life, was accepted in the Gallah Academy. She was separated from her two best friends. Maljor entered the military, while Serin, along with his love Jenina, explored the galaxy.

The three were joined again after two years, with Riot having her full memory of what has happened in her previous life, and the status as a Gallah Knight. Maljor was now a captain (? of this I'm not too sure... this was told to me about six months ago? and its only now that I decided to write about it...) and Serin, a pilot and a soldier for the ADF. Riot has not only received the full-brunt of her memories, but also the strength of Old Riot's powers, although not the Origin Human body the Old Riot had. They came back to Earth II to fulfill the promise they made to enter the World High School Martial Arts Tournament.

In the final leg of the tournament, the three Celestials who had been the cause of why Riot had to leave her two best friends in the first place appeared, and decided to end their playing, & to turn serious for once. They decided to kill all the Keepers. It was then that Riot stopped limiting herself and used the powers given back to her. However, a group of students extra-ordinary by mortal standards but ordinary in Celestial standards, a Goddess, and the original family of Origin wasn't enough to defeat three powerful Celestials with powers and refelexes honed by endless war.

But before hope was all lost, Raeoga, the Guardian of Balance, Kor, the Guardian of Creation, and Nyssa, the Guardian of Destruction appeared and saved them. Riot again thought that finally, all would end, but it was not so. Because Raeoga told her, being the Keeper of Balance, she was needed in the Celestial Plane, and that she was the one chosen for a mission that she alone can fulfill.

Geez, and that's just about the half of the story! :) I'm going to miss her now that her campaign has ended. I hope that when my Kulit gets new players, she'll pop out everynow and then... With her son and husband, I hope.

I love you my Kulit!

The day Globe went ka-put

2004-11-29T22:06:00.000+08:00

Today Globe went ka-put. Technically, it went out (the signal, not the company) last night. It first nuked out my older sister's phone, with her repeatedly asking me if I had any signal - which irritated me no end because I was trying to sleep and watch the boob tube at the same time, heh. Because she was so insistent, and since I really wasn't doing anything (except watch Fashion Channel.. Gezz, 100+ channels on t.v. and nothing worthwhile to watch..) I decided to check my phone too.

When I first looked at my phone, its signal bar was full, but I have learned never to trust a phone with a freaky antenna (it broke off on one of its morning fall-offs from my bed) and decided to request a signal. The screen returned a "Not Done" message, and I dutifully reported it to my sister, and promptly went to sleep. The next morning, when I woke up, I took a routine peek at my phone and quietly freaked out when I noticed that it had no signal too.

As it turned out, even my dad's phone had no signal too... and since everyone who has a phone here in the compound (well, except for Tita Med, but she doesn't count now because she's at the province.. XD) is on Globe, everyone was basically cut off from texting & calling civilization.

It was actually fine with me if I had no signal, but what bothered me no end was that I couldn't reach Kulit at all. Since he's on Sun now, I can't reach him via net sms because his number isn't supported by the chikka. Kulit was also out today, because today was the day that his Dad comes out of the hospital. And because my signal was off, I couldn't receive any messages from him either. It sucked.

I missed him even more so today, because I didn't know where he went, what he did, and how he is.

Its a good thing Globe is online once more, although how I'm going to tell him that now is still a problem. I mean, how is he going to text me when he knows that I have no signal?! *freaks out*

We weren't "one of them" the whole day. Gah, how much that sucked.

I love you, my Kulit.

Finally!

2004-11-22T22:45:00.000+08:00

Wahooo! Finally I figured out what was wrong with the code... I just didn't put the tag at the end. I must have missed it when I was triple-checking the tags. As usual. =P Now, this was supposed to be violet (why violet? uhm.. don't ask me. I don't really know! So sue me if that was the flavor of the month. XD) and the version was supposed to be "Punk Rock", but I was scrolling through my templates and found this.

This is much better, dontcha think?

This still has problems - when you're accessing the old posts, I think. But I've yet to know how to tweak that archive thingy, and since realizing what my coding was missing took me a month, maybe that will take around three months or so. *laughs*

But at least I've finished this! Haha! Bullets pass through me! XD

I love you, my Kulit.

Missing you

2004-11-15T22:08:00.000+08:00

Darn it... I just miss my love...

I MISS YOU!!! T.T

(even if we haven't seen each other for only 3 days)

I love you! Always! Even if we're far apart...

Insomnia

2004-11-13T01:16:00.000+08:00

Yup... Right now I can't sleep. I finally recovered from a very painful headache and here I am again... Facing the PC forcing my eyes just to write this down. I will sleep eventually but there is something that is telling me to do this. Somehow I want to BLOG tonight... Err... Today? Whatever. Its been days or weeks since my last blog. And many things had happened during those days. Bad and Nice things.

Somehow I thought this would be long but at last... I'm sleepy. Ü

I love you mahal! MUAH!

cry

2004-11-11T21:52:00.000+08:00

I'm crying. My heart is bleeding.

The Terminal

2004-11-01T15:12:00.000+08:00

Its November 1, and my family didn't go to the cemetery today. Well, I was supposed to go with my aunts and uncles, but we turned around because they forgot something, and I decided not to go after all. We couldn't go because first: we'd rather go to Bulacan, to visit my lolo's grave; second, my father couldn't go even if he wanted to; third, there are waay too many people in Holy Cross, where my Oyong Carlos and Oyang Naty lay in eternal slumber.

So we're stuck here in the compound while my other relatives are in Novaliches, braving the November sun with the eternal babble of people going to and fro.

My family is watching The Terminal right now. I watched it ending first (I really didn't have the time to watch it fully since I was preparing lunch as usual), then played it normally for my Dad who had just finished physical therapy with Aunt Beng. I caught snippets of its beginning, and then I realized that that movie isn't funny at all...

It's sad. So sad.

I felt really bad for Viktor because of the way the airport manager treated him, as well as the other people in the airport. Most especially during the scene after the manager told him he can't go out of the airport, where he saw in the television what happened to his country. He tried to use the phone but he couldn't so he ran around, asking people to help. He looked to lost, so helpless, and yet nobody wanted to help him. Is that how Americans are nowadays?

Stupid question, I know, but it boggles the mind that nobody would want to help... Is helping someone else an alien thing nowadays?

Just a rant. Labyu kulit!

Vindicated

2004-10-31T23:10:00.000+08:00

Warning: This entry contains cuss words and rantings not usually used by Tabs. Please proceed with caution.

Looking at my hubby's blog up there *points up* you can pretty much read between the lines and know that officialy, my mom has already asked me to stop school next term (I'm a 3rd year Information Management student at Mapua) and find work for me to support my family. My dad had a stroke earlier this year (mid July, to be exact - I knew that my birthday month is cursed.. Bad things always happenedd during my month. Bleah.), and ever since then, we had been having trouble with my dad's company.

Hence, my dad let go of his precious company (How precious? Let's just say my dad and I has never been particularly close because I hardly see him for long periods of time. Yep, he loves being a workaholic. Just like me. Yay.) to those greedy bastards, and ever since then, our money flow has not been exactly tidal-like. My sister can't give us money all the time - she isn't exactly known for being forthcoming with money. Besides, she has her own lifestyle to contend to. (Yep, that would mean buying a four-thousand-buck-badminton-racket and whatnot) My older brother isn't exactly Mr. Responsble.

Guess who's left? Me. Yay.

So ever since my mom told me that, I've been thinking where to apply, or what jobs that I can go into. Probably I'll go into a call center - they're the only ones offering a high enough salary that can foot a month's expenses of my family. Fortunately for me, my older cousin Brian (older by a few months, heh.) is also going to look for a job in order to put himself to school, and he'v heard of a job fair in Malacanang or somewhere near in Malacanang. It mostly offers outbound sourcing, and salaries start at 15k up, so it'll fit in very nicely if I get a job. Not to mention they can take in part-timers, since all you have to do is finish the time allotment they give to you.

So it'll fit in with my studies until next term, when I'll go full-time. Not all of my salary will probably go to my family though - I've decided that I won't look at this as a wall barring me from my dream, no matter how cheesy that may sound. I'll just have to restructure my dream around it, anyway. I figure, if I start work early, then I can leave here early and finally have my own life, right? So what if I don't get my Bachelor's Degree? In the field I'm going to be in, employers and companies are starting to realize that its not the degree the applicant has or what school he came from that matters, its what he knows that counts. An employee with the appropriate technical skills is what they need, not some sap who graduated from a good school and yet didn't know a router from a switch.

I'm right, right?

Therefore, I've decided that along the way, after I've saved enough and hubby has the time, we'll go back to school, to MITc. Me, to take up Microsoft Developer Certification, and hubby, probably 2D Animation. Or maybe 3D. Who knows? Only time can tell.

Right now I've realized that having a degree is only a stepping stone. No matter how good your school was, what matters most is how good you are. What you know and what you can do is what will cut it.

And I know plenty. Not that I'm being vain.

I love you my Kulit! Always, you're my inspiration.

Shattered Dreams

2004-10-30T22:26:00.000+08:00

Life "is" like a wheel indeed! Sometimes you're on top and most of the times you're at the bottom... I just can't help noticing that the wheel is unfair coz it seemed like the wheel rolls faster when your reaching the top and stops when your at the bottom!

I hate myself because I can't do anything to help my mahal! I know even if I finish studying I still can't find a good job... And I hate it because mahal thinks she won't be able to fulfil her dreams... Of course you can't reach that simple dream of graduating in SOIT "ALONE". That is why I am here! I'm here to help you finish SOIT! Together we will study again and fulfill our dreams!

I hope God give me more strength so that I can handle any problem that will us. But even if we won't be able to fulfill that dream... I know there's still one more dream that we can fufill! And that is to spend our life together! FOREVER!

I love you mahal! MUAH!

What's in a name

2004-10-19T13:47:00.000+08:00

What's in a name? Nabbed this idea from another blog... Wala lang. =)

If you call me...

Ms. Jacquiline Jacinto - you're one of my teachers in SoIT... or you're behind a counter and you're calling out my name.
Jacqui - you're my mom and you're feeling good today.. so you're having fun with your daughter's name
Jacq - you're one of my friends from AR and MITc. That's Jacq with a soft q and not a hard k.
Jack - you're one of my parents' old friends and you persist in calling me that way, leaving me to wonder if you thought the Jacintos were composed of 4 boys and one girl, not the 2 girls and 3 boys it truly is. Or you're Mary Grace Isidro, who I've never cured of calling me that.
JacqWElin - you're my older sister, and you're screaming out my name to call me. Usually you want me to do something for me that I wouldn't like.
Jackie - you're either my mom, dad, older sister or older brother. That's what you call me when everythings hunky-dory
Jacky - you're one of my aunts or uncles in the compound and you're calling me probably because I didn't know my mom was calling me. Hehe.
Te Dyak - you're Tita Ada, and you're calling me like that just for laughs. =) Its actually cute so I don't get pissed off. =)
Khaki - you're Kookoy, and you can't pronounce my name yet. I have nightmares just thinking about you growing up and still calling me that..O.o
Tabs - you're Kulit and you're in Kulit mode... =) Prolly trying to make kulit me by telling me I'm fat. Tough luck Kulit, I'm happy I'm fat.. =) Yipee!
Mahal - you're Kulit and you're calling me. (Somehow calling me by my name sucks. I'm not used to it anymore. XD)

Ah well.. those are my various names, nicknames, callsigns entiwined in my life. Just hope if the list gets longer the new ones aren't sucky. =)

I'd go for Mama! Hehe. Just joking, Kulit! =) And that's not a dare!

I love you, my Kulit. =)

My diary

2004-10-17T18:33:00.000+08:00

Well, I did say I was going to add my new blog here, right? I did make one, but I found that I couldn't tweak blogger templates that well, so I had another one on an another server.

Here it is: http://www.meneluin.diaryland.com

Its still at its workings tho... I have to see if I can tweak it so that I can add other stuff as well.

Ja ne~! Labyu my Kulit!

Rhinestones

2004-10-16T21:47:00.000+08:00

Today me and mahal went to SM north... It was a short day for us since we don't have that much money to spend and we ran out of places to go to since SM Megamall is having this 3-day sale so the mall will be very crowded...

And so we separated ways at 2 pm... Kinda sad because we usually went home 4pm onwards...

I missed you mahal!

Well tonight I became a driver for the band named Rhinestones ( my sister's all-girl band)... And... I... Kinda miss mahal and made me feel lonely... So this is it for my blog... Ü

I love you mahal!!!

Newly new

2004-10-16T16:01:00.000+08:00

I made a new journal. Yet again. I seem to be getting addicted to this... Hehe. I'll post up the new journal link soon, when I've tweaked the template.

Gad. Lj kinda sucks because I don't know how to tweak the template. Or maybe I'm rushing too soon? -_-"

Labyu Kulit!

Tofu Jr.

2004-10-14T20:37:00.000+08:00

The past few days are not really good... I've been cutting classes... Actually I haven't attended my cisco class yet. I'm kinda scared that I might have missed a module exam. Well tomorrow I promised myself that I will attend my cisco class no matter what. I hate this schedule because mahal's dismissal is at 10:30 am while mine is 3:00 pm... I can't be selfish and let her wait for me till my dismissal. But yet I can't stand it. I can't stand this loneliness. I can't let her go home alone... So I'll just let her decide whether she goes home early without me or wait for me for 3 hours since I'll be arriving school at 10:30 to be with her till my class...

I miss you mahal... This morning, I woke up at 8 am. I wen't down to help my father clean the car and bathe the dogs. Then I finally discovered Princess (my dalmatian) is pregnant!!! And yup, Tofu is the father! I can't wait to see her pups. I'm going to name one the male pup Tofu Jr.!

Thats it for the day...

I LOVE YOU MAHAL!

Death to Smoochy

2004-10-11T22:48:00.000+08:00

Hehe, hard to believe Robin Williams have a movie in that title. Weird, eh? I don't know what that movie is, but my brother's watching it right now. With my parents.

Kooky, eh? So that's where I get my weirdness from... XD

Anyway, this is a quick note. I was reading some fan fiction while doing Jordan's project (as usual hehe) when a scene struck a chord of familiarity in my soul. It was Kenshin embracing Kaoru, and she thinks that she never wants to leave, nor the embrace to end, because she feels so secure and contented.

I went like "That's the way I feel when Kulit hugs me too!"

Its supremely different when my parents hug me - although, truth be told, those hugs come sparingly, once in a violet moon - and just thinking about it now makes me miss Kulit more. Wah. We're not going to see each other tomorrow - I made a stupid mistake of telling mama that I don't have classes tomorrow. Gah. But then again, Kulit can't go out tomorrow. He has to clean aircon with his dad.

Sigh. I love you Kulit.

School Scare

2004-10-07T01:18:00.000+08:00

Tonight... Err... Today, 12:30 am, my mahal went to sleep at last. She felt exhausted because of crying. She was scared of going back to school. Who wouldn't? She's actually going to start over again... Back to first year! Goodness... Well at least its for her own good right? She'll get a good job because she'll take another course. I feel useless because I can't do anything about it... All I can do is to make sure she's fine and help her with her subjects since I only have 1 subject this term!

Don't worry mahal! I'll always be here! Since I can't be with you always... Take my love! I love you! Muah!!!

The Secret Violet Diary

2004-10-05T22:00:00.000+08:00

I was cleaning out my room (as usual) when I dug out a familiar looking violet filler.. It was my poem notebook aka my secret diary of pain! I remember I wrote in this notebook when kulit and I wasn't together yet. I was secretly inlove with him then. (uy kulit, kilig ka no? XD)

Here is one of them; I wrote it when I was waiting for Kulit inside the MRT station.

doubt

doubt eating away at my mind
drawing away my soul
i walk among the living, a fool
disheartened,
myself in darkness' thrall.

couldn't speak, couldn't breathe,
a silent voice, a silent scream;
a soundless cry, a river of tears
for you to save, for me to live.

you hold my life, you hold my soul
a helpless being, you hold me in thrall.
i look up to your eyes, forever unsure;
your love i long fore, my love forever yours.

Gad! Shades of darkness, dontcha think? My morbidness is coming out in my poems, just like my friend nan told me.. :shivers: And I haven't written the others yet! Maybe I'll write them here the next time. It'll be like I'm purging myself. Whatever that means hehe.

I love you my kulit! Muah!

Elven Ears

2004-10-05T21:20:00.000+08:00

Today (Tuesday 5th of October) I woke up in a really wierd dream... I dreamt about an actress/swimmer named Kristine Jacob (or was it Christine?). She laid down beside me in my bed NAKED?!? while I was trying to sleep. I honestly wasn't seduced... Because at that very moment here comes another famous singer Jose (Joe) Marie Chan... Also NAKED!!?!? T.T He said "watch this" and started doing Kristine from behind... It was kinda gross watching them do it... REALLY! But then that grossy feeling faded when I saw Kristine's face... She wasn't enjoying it! I seemed like she's getting hurt? I seemed like its her first time and Jose is very rough on her... Being a person who looks at horny bastards and rapist as the lowest type of criminals, I stood up and beat the crap out of Jose! Then I finally woke up. I am still angry... But I went to the toilet to wash my face and decided to sleep again hehe.

And so I went back to bed and try to sleep again... The phone rang and I answered it. It was my mom and she's firing me with flaming bullets words! She's blabbering! I hate it... She want me to go down and go to the bank and after that, be the phone operator. I went down to my sister's room and opened the pc. I tried to connect to the net. BLAH my grammar is crappy!!! So anyways... I played Ragnarok Online (/gg) but I got bored... I went back to bed and left the PC on (I closed the monitor). I tried to sleep again but here comes another parent, my dad! He's angry because I left the pc on... BLAH so what? (i'm bad hehehe)

And so the day continued... My dad didn't let me do the banking stuff and everytime the phone rings I tried to answer but the maid will get to it first (blah I really hate my grammar!). And it went on like that till 12 noon... I wasted my time...

I went back to my room... And played Ragnarok... I was enjoying but then other players seemed to bug me... They want my EARS! Hehe... (only Ragnarok Players would understand) They want to trade stuff for my Elven Ears! I dont wanna since I worked hard to for it! I continued playing and they continued to bug me...

That's ALL! WAHAHAHA!

I feel wierd... I don't know why... And I'm not very sure whether I'm worried or excited... But one thing's for sure!
I miss my mahal!

I LOVE YOU MAHAL!!! MUAH! MUAH! MUAH!

Deciding Hooky

2004-10-03T09:54:00.000+08:00

I'm playing hooky today, and I hope no one (meaning my 'rents) catch me.

Its just that I feel really out of energy today, and I have to drag myself outta bed just to go down the stairs and eat my breakfast.So while eating (and taking my quickie bath) I decided not to go to church at all and play hooky na lang, rather than fall asleep at the Pastor's message and thereby landing a spot in hell. I mean, I'd rather not go if I'm not going to listen to God's message for this week. So I'm now at an internet shop, blog-hopping (using The Philippine Blog Awards' portal to do so) and checking my mail. I can't do that at home now; Jeff has taken complete control of the pc.

I claim this computer as property of Mars!

Hehe. Anyway, I've decided (yes, again) that I might not play Ragnarok that much anymore. Come to think of it, do I really play that game *that* much? With Jeff and his complete domination over the pc, I think not. But this is accepting it. I wasn't able to accept it at all before. /heh. Instead, I'm going to devote my time in reverse-engineering free graphic layouts and designing my own. Oh, and have I told you I'm planning to play Fairyland?

Wheeee!

Kulit and I half-finished my application for ladderization in SoIT yesterday. That involved us (well, actually, me) getting my picture in the morning, going to school, getting informed that the picture I took was wrong -it gotta be in black and white and 1.5x1.5 -, paying my admission fee which left me with a hundred bucks, getting lunch, then taking my picture and both of us realizing over lunch that we're both flat-out broke.

Actually, only I was flatout broke, but Kulit have to pay for our fare home (I didn't have any money, remember?), and et voila, he became broke too. Wah.We've been broke the past few days, due to the fact that ladderizing to a bachelor's degree took more out of us than we thought. Not just the money, although dear Lord, I wouldn't want to compute how much we've really spent on it - but also the braincells wasted trying to think what to write, and sheer energy going to and fro throughout the school.

Rocks! And to think after this, I'll be enrolling in a school who has a buncha conio kids as students! For the love of Holy Guacamole!

Tomorrow, Kulit and I are going to Main to have my Credit Evaluation signed. We're actually happy about it since going back there brings back memories (and nostalgia), not to mention going back there mean eating those orange balls! Hallelujah, finally some decent food!

And yes, Ja-Bee's Meat Pies *do* count. XD

I love you, my Kulit.

SoIT and MITc

2004-09-27T20:45:00.000+08:00

And so a new problem emerged. Mahal finally finished her MITc days and up comes her SoIT days. Today we went to school to fix her SoIT stuff but we failed to achieve that goal since we're supposed to see Ma'am Tina. Blah... I just realized Mahal is writing her own blog this very moment... And I do think she already finished her blog with the same content as mine so i'll skip whatever happens today.

And so I arrived at home and saw our car outside the house... I wonder who's driving and who's in it... My sister with a classmate. Blah... Can't think...

Sorry mahal! Hehehe.

I LOVE YOU!!!

Wasting Time

2004-09-27T20:28:00.000+08:00

Sigh. My school sent out the grades for the past two terms today, and et viola, my parents saw my failed grade in solaris operating system, which incidentally was taken at the same time as my ojt. And by gad, they raised the same ruckus as if I got it this term and not two terms ago.

Sigh.

That's all I can do now. Its not a big thing anymore; although I freely admit that during the first few minutes that I was home (about fifteen minutes), I was literally shaking all over. It was when I was cleaning up my school things (papers, receipts, my bags and stuff - I left my room messy this morning) that I realized it doesn't really matter what they say. I've already felt bad enough when I failed that subject due to my stupidity - okay, maybe not stupidity. Maybe forgetfulness will apply. To continue, I've already been hurt enough by myself. Even though they are my most treasured and beloved parents, I can't let them hurt me when I've already been hurt so much.

Although they can be declared innocents, since they really don't know what conspired during those months, anyway. Point, eh?

Anyway. Like I said... I'll just let what they said slide. I'm old enough to know that they want the best for me, and I'm strong enough not to let what they said hurt me. I've been through enough. Bullets slide off me! XD Besides, I have bigger fish to fry. I have to finish my transfer papers in just a week! Oh my friggin gad! Is that even possible or is it like asking for snow to fall in Rowan?

Oooh, shameless Aeith plugging! :D That's fer ya, koi!

I love thee, beloved Kulit.

Seven Months and a Day

2004-09-22T21:45:00.000+08:00

Today, mahal and me went to school. As usual. Although we had to go to Ja-bee first, because both of us was hungry (or was it just I? :D), and while we were eating by the wall-windows, I looked up... to see a very, very familiar back. -widens eyes in shock- It was my grandmother walking innocently by outside!

Cue terror music.

It was a good thing she didn't notice us (she was on her way to Baclaran, I think. Usual Wednesday mass.), since I had her back turned to her and when she passed, her back turned to me. And she didn't recognize Mahal since he recently has his curly hair straightened (Mahal is way more kikay-er than I am! Really! XD), and he has it let down today. So we breathed a sigh of relief - I really wasn't supposed to be still around the vicinity of my home, since I'm supposed to be at school, right?

So after eating (those Meat Pies were really delicious! Ja-bee, you da man!), we went straight towards school. Mahal confessed that he'd already accepted the fact that he wasn't going to pass Cisco 4 this term, and that he knows it was his fault. Well Mahal, I don't think it was all your fault. Count me in too, because I was one of the reasons you don't go to Mike's class so much. Well, other than Mike being dead-boring in class. XP

It was a good thing we went to school even though it stank inside, and it was a good thing I stuck my head inside my Solaris class, because it turned out Ma'am Jess forgot to give me my additional point quiz on shell scripting. Good timing! Although Mahal didn't answer his finals, having decided to join me outside... only to find out I was taking some exams of my own. Wah! Forgive me Mahal!

It was crappy to realize that I was the only one who understands shell scripting (d'oh. all those grade school and high school turbo pascal programming paid finally paid off!) and even though it was a really great feeling to know that I aced my last two exercises, quizzes, my practicals and finals, it stank to know that every time I finish a script, my classmates were behind my back, salivating at some fresh correct answers to fry and digest. Yah-boo. It was a good thing that I was too distracted to answer them all correctly, because I was concentrating so hard at the additional two scripts my prof gave us. Gad. And to think she said that those were additional points! I thought additional points were supposed to be easy, geddemit!

Oh well. After finishing it (hahaa, up yours my ever dearest classmates, I finished waaaay before any of you and logged out from my terminal, so it means you won't be getting my scripts... Yes, I know I'm bad. But it feels so good! -whine whine-) and paying my final installment of tuition, we went to Megamall, wherein after eating goto (me) and fried squid (?) balls (mahal), we went to Bowling Alley and after a few hours... was immediately seen by my Tito Oscar!

The humanity! The humanity!

Tsk tsk. Oh well. Was that a sign from God telling me to go home already? Well, Mahal and I went home via bus (its airconditioned and it takes the long route home, hence me and Mahal love to take it... We scorn MRT's quick route home! XD) and he continued Aeith. While we were in Glori, waiting for my Scrambol, we were seen by.. tadah! Kuya Em no less!

Yes God, I'm going home. =)

On a happier note, I computed my grades on the grade sheet Ma'am Jess gave me, and I'm happy to report that even though I played around this term, if I ace my practicals and finals (which I did - well, practicals I did, finals I know I'm going to. And that's not arrogance, that's a fact!), I'll have a grade of no less than 2.00! Thank You, God!

Officially, Kulit and I are seven months and a day today.

I love you, Kulit.

Two of us

2004-09-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

Tonight i'm blogging for me and mahal. Since she could not blog because his older bro got her pc and took it else where... I don't know where and why and I don't give a ... about his bro. I'm not angry at his bro... Well I'm not angry now coz I was... Yesterday, Saturday, I went to school and as usual, we did nothing in my first subject and I assumed that my second prof is not going to attend... AGAIN... I hope so...

After school I went to mahal's village to have a snack with her. And as usual she was delayed by her mother... I don't want to be annoyed but I can't... After waiting for maybe an hour, she came. As usual, she's my liquid nitrogen. Seeing her is enough to release me from my demonic anger! Ü And so we ate the usual stuff... Scramboole (scrambol), crappy burger (buy one take one for only 20 pesos XD), and stuff...

Today me and my family went to the mall to watch a movie and eat dinner. Ouch... My head hurts. I just have to end it this way. I'll just blog again tom.

I love you mahal!

Tofu

2004-09-10T20:36:00.000+08:00

I was going to blog two days ago but I can't because of what happened. It was a very fine day with mahal. We were kinda excited to go home because the next day (yesterday, thursday) she will attend a class to take an exam. And so after a tiring trip from their house, I arrived. I did what I always do to avoid waking the dogs (my dogs) and making them bark (since they bark at everyone in excitement). Then I saw my favorite dog, a dalmatian named, Tofu. I love that crazy dog. He always makes me laugh everytime I see him sleeping. He has this small metallic platform that serves as his thrown/bed. I usually see him on his side with his head hanging like a drunk dog. Everytime I see him like that, he'll hear my footstep and wake up just to look up on me with his saggy cute face dangling like loose leather. That day, he was very asleep and didn't wake up. I wonder why the other dogs (Wrinkle and Princess) didn't bark also. And so I went to my room and do my usual stuff. Then my mother called me. That call shattered my heart. I came down to see and confirm (maybe she's joking...) But she was serious. I went up and cried... It was a silent and painful one... But it wasn't the first time I cried over a dead dog... I lost many pets and realized that thats the consequences of having a pet.

Thursday...
The day went well. We arrived at school and she attended her class. It was a short one. My first prof didn't come. We (me and mahal) agreed to wait for my next prof, but while waiting I think I pushed my luck with mahal. Since I love to smell her and cherish her every second, she finally didn't resist it and told me to stop it because she is annoyed. I'm fine... Since I need her more that time because I feel so lonely after what happened yesterday. I understand her and concluded that I will never do those things again. "It is bad to cherish your loved one" that is what I thought. So at that moment I want to promise myself not to smell her, kiss her too often, touch her smooth skin, hug her, and cherish her ever again.

Today...
I said... What the heck! I love her so much! I miss her all the time! The heck with that stupid promise! I will smell her, touch her smooth skin, hug her even tighter, kiss her and cherish her every millisecond! That is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life! Ü

I love you mahal!

Invisible Boyfriend

2004-09-07T21:26:00.000+08:00

I'm here again... 2nd blog for the day... Well lets just say I can't wait for the day to end and I can't wait for tomorrow. Why? DUH! Because I'm going see my love again!

I don't have anything to tell since my day was uneventful and so loooooong. Why is it that if I'm not with mahal the day is long and when I'm with mahal, the day is short?. Actually, I want to express some of my feelings about what is happening to mahal. Lets just say since I've studied for 13 years without female classmates in claret, I'm not sure if the things that I'm gonna say is correct. But since I've been an "other guy's girlfriend's consultant"... Yup! I've got a lot guys whose girlfriend calls me on the phone to consult me with their problems. And the wierd thing is that they say that I'm good at cheering them up... 0.o

I just hope I can do something about this case this time since the one involved is my girlfriend and her friend that I barely knew. Well I think the only problem here is the big "M" called miscommunication! Or shall we say immaturity? Or low self-esteem? Or just being so "narrow-mindedly paranoid" that some old friend (not girlfriend of his boyfriend) will take his boyfriend away from her? But then again... Am I not mahal's boyfriend? Is she pretending to know the truth that I exist?

This is pointless... Nobody can help her but time (for her to mature?). I just hope that her insecurity with her boyfriend does not affect me and mahal's social life anymore.

I love you mahal! Sorry if ever hurt somebody with this log. Peace! It's just my opinion.

misconceptions and spilt milk

2004-09-07T18:02:00.000+08:00

Bad bad Kulit! Why are you multi-tasking at Deej's class? You know how Napoleon Complex works on that midget. Hehe.

Last night was certainly..interesting. For want of a better word. I never thought that others (yes, I know right now its only one person, but she's someone I know. I don't know about the others. In a twisted way, I'm not vain. Or maybe I am, but just not breaking-couples-equals-great-power vain way.) would think that I can do that. I mean, he and I might have a common past (as friends, nothing more), but that's just it. It's in the past. Surely, its better to let the past be past and focus on the present.

The quote "Let the sleeping dogs lie" has never been more apt.

This is going to be the last time I'll write about it, since I've decided with Kulit's help that I won't let it (the issue, not the person) bother me ever again. I'm just surprised that this is cropping up again, since subconsciously I've already decided to move away, hence less trouble on my part and hers, but I didn't think that my going invisible on the messenger can bring so much issue. Or maybe my greeting her love on the messenger topped it all. It s just that I never thought that greeting a friend with no other reason than just for keeping in touch, can, like I've just wrote, bring up so much issue.

Or such a big a problem.

The only thing that cause me pain in this was that she even entertained the thought that I'll take him away from her. That wasn't verbatim, but you get my point. Has she conviniently forgotten that I have Kulit by my side? Has she never known me at all? She has him, and she will forever have him. Seriously, I have never entertained the thought that he and I can be together. I mean, no offense to Mike, he's a very neat guy (second only to my Kulit XP) but he will always stay as a friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

And at this point, I don't care if she believes me. I'm off it. I've already told Mike about my decision to stay away, and he agreed it might be for the best. And it is, on all points considered. Better for her, better for me. Less heartbreak, less pain.

Et voila, pain is no more.

I love you, Kulit.

Web Technology

2004-09-07T16:05:00.000+08:00

Tuesday... One the days that I won't get to hug and kiss my love since she doesn't have a class (we don't meet every tuesday, thursday, saturday and sunday). Come to think of it, we only spend more time together during mondays since she really doesn't have any class but she still come to school just to be with me (bad girl but I love her for that). I'm currently in my class on web technology (hence the title) and multitasking by writing this while doing the seatwork. I just thought this is a good time since everytime I open my computer at home, all I do is play games and talk to my love through yahoo messenger. I'm kinda ashame for not being so active in this blog because I'm not used to writing journals. I'm not forced to do this because I am willing to spend a few minutes just to write down what happen.

Since mahal stated what happen to us yesterday, all I can say is that I wanna cherish her every second that we're together since we only have three days to see each other (those three days aren't enough). I realized that this coming term, if I pass all my subjects, I will be taking my OJT (on the job training) and that means my time with her will be lesser than this term. Other than my OJT, she'll be shifting to SOIT (school of IT) and she'll be more busy with her studies because she wanted to have very good grades. I don't want to become a bad influence to her again (since these past few terms I always encourage her skip class and hang out with us and play RPG). But even though we'll be both busy next term, I will still visit her during her free time and will still be escorting her home.

Well I think this is it for now and I must attend to my seatwork since I only have an hour left to finish it. I love you mahal! Now and Forever!

love and books

2004-09-06T20:59:00.000+08:00

Today, Kulit and I roamed around the streets of Makati and ended up in National Bookstore, where he bought Dan Brown’s Da Vinci Code. Its with me right now, Kulit claiming he’ll get it back on Wednesday, when we meet again. It’s okay even if I’ve read it, since it’s one of the books you never tire of reading. Or maybe I’m just a sucker for books. Hehehe.

Know what’s weird? Kulit and I are really so different from each other after all. Take reading, for instance. I’m a speed reader, focusing more on the plot of the story and discarding ordinary scenes into the back of my mind, while Kulit savors each letter and word, almost memorizing the whole book. So, when I read the book, I know the plot forward and backward, while Kulit knows almost every scene forward and backward.

That fact makes for some very interesting debates. XD It also proves that Kulit and I are really different from each other, that we have our own personality that doesn’t shadow each one’s own. But despite that, we love each other. Perhaps even more so. Kulit doesn’t love me less for sometimes being bad; he doesn’t love me less when I’m being too good for my own good. I don’t love him less whenever he says things and stuff about my family; I don’t love him less when he doesn’t want to study and just go out instead.

It’s those faults that made us love each other so much. We’ve accepted each other and love each other fully; even with all the faults and quirks that makes us wholly human.

I really don’t know what put this on. But… I do know one thing, and one thing only.

Kulit, I love you. For all that you are, and for all that you are not. “,)

Ragnarok ("Doom of the Gods"), also called Gotterdammerung,
means the end of the cosmos in Norse mythology. It will be preceded by
Fimbulvetr, the winter of winters. Three such winters will follow each other
with no summers in between. Conflicts and feuds will break out, even between
families, and all morality will disappear. This is the beginning of the end.

Ragnarök does not mean "Twilight of the Gods"; that phrase is the result
of a famous mistranslation. "Ragnarökr" or "Ragnarøkr" means "doom of the
powers" or "destruction of the powers" (where "powers" means "gods").

The Reason

2004-09-05T01:26:00.000+08:00

Ah yes. This is officially my first log. Well let us just say that I wasn't sure what to write down. Yesterday... Well actually two days ago, I was gonna make my very first blog but a very embarassing thing happened... I forgot my password. T_T And so I told Tabs that I don't know how to make a blog (no joke, I really don't know). Or at lest I don't know what to put in this blog, or whether there is a "rule" in making a blog. Well at least I know one thing, and it doesn't connect to the topic that I was saying. And that is I miss mahal and I really do love her. I don't care what other people think or say about us. What I do know is she is the one! I thought my first uhm... Can't say she's my girlfriend since... My point is that this is it! I'm ready to bind myself with her. I will marry her as soon as we get to save money to build a house. Since we used to be architecture students, we can design our own house instead of hiring an architect (whew! more money to save).

Hmm... Right now I'm kinda uhm "wordless". I don't know what to tell since mahal already posted what happened to us this day. I know this is kinda short... Heck, we're still young and we have many years to spend time posting.

I love you mahal! Sleep tight!

yellow cab & scrambol

2004-09-04T22:13:00.000+08:00

Today I had a self-declared “make-up” class. Yes, I know its bad, what with the situation at home, but I had to get away from my home. Its four walls were starting to resemble prison, and my shrill younger brother was starting to look like a bad radio deejay on Energizer batteries. God. Imagine a ten-year old boy on Energizer batteries yelling at the top of his shrill, megaphonic voice.

Its enough to make any self-respecting sane person go insane.

Good thing I was already insane, or else I would have gone nuts. Sheesh. I really cannot wait for him to grow up, but at the rate he’s going, its going to take him a hundred years! Give or take a century. Anyway, why am I talking about him? I get enough of him as it is…

As I was saying, I took a make-up class today. We (Kulit and I) were supposed to go to school. He has classes today, logic circuits in the morning and web technology in the afternoon. I decided that while he was at class, I’ll catch up on my plot devices and my drawings (stick people, my sick interpretation of characters at Aeith, my husband’s pen and paper. XD), and maybe catch up on gossip at school, via Janice. But suddenly Kulit decided not to go to class and declare a self-proclaimed “no-class” day. I was kinda hoping he’d say, “Screw class! I’ll go with you wherever you go!”, but “Tara punta tayo sa bahay!” is enough. More than enough, I’d say. XD

Since it was way early to be at his house, and since we haven’t eaten (he, breakfast, me since last night (I missed dinner T.T)), we went to trusty McD’s to have breakfast. Weirdly enough, while we were eating, a scenario popped into my mind. What if I bumped into another person? She/He would probably give me the stare and hmpf off. But give a similar scenario to Lucy Torres, the biatch (I automatically gave the role to a ‘she’ XD) would probably apologize to the high heavens.

The difference is so appalling. Why can’t people be judged the same?

After sharing that thought with Kulit who commiserated with me and added his comments, we were off, after I proclaimed myself done since where we sat was kinda a sucky place. My fault, tee hee. You can’t blame a person for being hungry! Since it was still early when we arrived at Fairview, Kulit and I roamed around SM. Wah. Of al l the branches SM has, SM Fairview gotta be the one I love! The restaurants! The fast food! Every where I look there was food!

Instant heaven! XD

Kulit has this crazy (well, maybe not so crazy. They are siblings after all. XP) idea to buy pizza from yellow cab and bug his sleeping younger sister. Which he did at the expense of his wallet. If I didn’t love him then, I would have loved him instantly, at that moment, since he showed that he is really such a great and fantastic older brother. I mean, buying a ten-inch pizza at the expense of his allowance?! My own brother never did that for me. Sob.

After that, we went to his house (after teasing me that his mother was there! Wah! He almost gave me a heart attack!) and distributed the pizza. For such a small pizza, it was laden with all kinds of meat, not to mention the cheese. All I can eat was one slice and I was full. No wonder it was expensive. Pizza Hut has nothing on Yellow Cab! I swear!

And then, we *next sentences reduced to gibberish*

Hehe. Next scenes are confidential and top-secret. What ever happened next is between Kulit and me. I’ll leave the rest to your imagination. XD

At quarter to five, it started to rain really hard. Really, really hard. We were forced to wait 45 minutes for it to subside somewhat so I can go home. But before I went home, Kulit bought me my new addiction: Specialized Strawberry Scrambol! No matter that drinking that ruined my stomach and made me miss dinner. No matter that it’s rainy season and its cold.

So what? At least I had Scrambol.

I love you, Kulit.

public journal

2004-09-03T23:17:00.000+08:00

Officially, this is Kulit's and mine's new public journal.

Heh, how ironic can that get, a public online journal.. Aren't journals supposed to be secret? Oh well. Life is full of ironies, shouldn't I have learned that by now? Anyway. I'm deviating from the topic. I actually used to be one of the members of this blog site, but I got sidetracked by life ( and new friends, as well as new hobbies hehe,) so I forgot about it and subscribed to a separate journal.

Which, I'm still going to continue putting up. If nothing else, it'll serve as my guinea pig for my continuous obssession for learning javascript and tweaking templates. That way I won't have to sign up for another, right? Besides, I like collecting usernames and passwords. There was one time that I owned around 10 or so email adresses from various servers, just for the heck of time. I think that was the time that my friends branded me weird.

Ha, as if that was the end of the world! :P

Anyway, Kulit and I watched Dodgeball today. Actually we were supposed to watch Stepford Wives (The Wives of Stepford has a secret.. They're all freaking robots! Duh, as if that's a big surprise. Thank you, movie trailers, for showing us spoilers.. XD), but after roaming around the mall to kill time (And eating at Komoro Soba's.. We love you Komoro!), my moodiness surfaced and I told him that I don't want to watch a movie after all, teasing him that he just wanted to watch a movie with me for one reason... which I'm not going to tell. :P I'm not going to embarass myself, that would be stupid. Idiotic I may be, stupid I am not. *smirks* Of course there's a difference, I'm just not going to point out what the difference is.. XD

Well, after telling him that, I discovered that he really wanted to watch Dodgeball. Since we had nothing else to do that time (we basically played hooky; well, Kulit did. Technically, I didn't.), and I really do not want to torture my feet roaming around Asia's largest mall, I agreed. Actually I was planning not to watch that movie and watch him watch that movie, since I've seen snippets of Dodgeball around, oh, around a month ago and decided I didn't like it. Well, after watching it, I decided that I like it after all.

I can change my mind, can I?

After that, Kulit and I roamed around the mall and ended up at the bowling alley. Since there was still time to kill, Kulit continued Aeith, from going out of the mall, throughout the bus ride, and on the way home. But we were forced to stop (drats! I wish I live in Fairview!) when I reached my family's compound. Oh well. There's always Wednesday to look forward to, isn't it?

Now me and Kulit are going to play Ragnarok, after two hours of downloading. Technically, we were supposed to have been playing since an hour ago, but I gave him the wrong file to download. Ehehe. Jacq the Klutz strikes again!

I love you Kulit. Ü

Ginnungagap ('seeming emptiness'), in the
cosmology of Norse mythology, is the primordial void separating Niflheim and Muspell, the land of eternal ice and snow and the land of eternal heat and flame.